there's no superwomen in reality

i'm feeling piss off and weird and lazy today. i feel totally crap la. i'm going to feel all my papers common test. when i say fail i mean it la. not like those hypocrite, "aiya i'm going to fail la!" for every paper but in the end do very well. if u know me, you'll know that i'm not that kinda people. when i say that the paer is ok, i'll really get an average result when i say i'll fail, i'll really fail.
but failing is the least of my worries right now. i feel crappy because i haven't giving the peopl i love enough care and concern. i miss so many people, but i'm too self absorbed to realise i'm not the only busy and troubled person in this world. yulan, i totally miss you. i wish i can reverse time and go back to sec sch. jc is totall crap. i feel that i wanted to do so much but i end up doing NOTHING! i'm crap. i wanted to achieve so much but i end up doing nothing. i feel sad, i really do.
i miss my friends sooooooo much. qiqin, elaine, yining, tingting, yulan, weitheng, the whole bunch of band friends, alwyn.... it's so hard to find a close friend now. it get's really lonely. it's like everyone is moving on except me. it's so weird. no matter where i go, i don't feel like i fit in anymore.
i regret doing alot of things, joining council is one of them. i think i'm just not suitable. it isn't what i think it is.
i don't feel like i can do anything properly now. i think i lost part of me when i got my O level results and i still haven got it back. i wonder will i ever get it back.
sorry about not sharing about the italy trip. it's selfish of me not to. when i was there, i really enjoyed myself. but i felt bad, because it's like don't deserve it all. i wanted so much for my family and friends to see what i saw, to experience the beauty of it all.